The Gift of Time

 

I certainly didn't ask for five weeks off work at home in snowy Minnesota. Being told that I couldn't go back to work until I was medically cleared seemed more like a punishment, or failure. For those who read my last blog, I could add this as another cost of living on a remote tropical island. There is no quick way to return to work. The doctors on island wanted nothing to do with the paperwork, saying that their job was to treat people, not decide when and where they work. 

I was once told by a medical professional, that the reason for the increase in mental illness these days is due to the lack of time allowed an individual who is healing, grieving or isolated. We are encouraged to "get back on the horse", "get back out there", and "not to dwell on it."  There is a danger of wallowing too long in our setbacks, and never getting back to living.

I was also frustrated by the workings of an HR of a large company. They requested form after form, medical checkups, doctor's reports and all with the tag line: "You have 5 days to comply or you are fired!"  The stress was too much and I feared I would not be able to meet all the demands, or persuade a doctor to act in a timely manner. My manager misunderstood my cry for help as a resignation, and the next email I received told me of my termination. By the time the misunderstanding was corrected, I was without health insurance.  So what was I to do as the management decided my fate... whether I was worthy of a second chance?  I took some time off.

I baked cookies, and read, and painted. Morning became my favorite time because I received no demanding emails at that time. HR preferred to send their ultimatums in the evening, and the island is 7 hours behind me. I could relax, knowing that any ding on my phone was nothing more than a Google reminder or what happened years ago. I started to relax and accept that I may never get back to work.

 After all, no one died, it wasn't the end of the world.  I was at home, with family, reacquainting myself with housework and decorating, sleeping late having a glass of wine by the open fire.

Then, out of the blue, I received an email telling me that I had been cleared to resume my duties on Kwajalein, starting immediately, or next shift. "Immediately" is pushing it.... I am three days away by plane, and flights are once a week.

So now I have some things to consider: Are there flights available? Can I plan a lesson that will get me back into teaching? Will the students even remember me? Will the staff, that stayed the course and worked hard, see me as a prodigal loser and resent my time away?

But I have learned one thing: Time is a gift. Taking time off, away from normal duties and responsibilities is a rare gift, not to be squandered. I will not spend my next few days fretting, I will take the time I have to appreciate time with family, time by myself, time to reflect and learn. 

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34