Since my mother passed away a year ago, it has been a never ending process of clearing out her house. The first things to go were her clothes and clutter from drawers and wardrobes. With the whole family together for the funeral, we enjoyed reminiscing as we waded through old photos and knickknacks that had been gifts from all of us over the years. She kept everything. Several old pieces passed down from our grandparents were set aside for someone to research the value of: silver cutlery, Chinese vases and original paintings.
With my siblings and I living all around the world, we don't have the chance to just get together and chat. But now we were forced to. There were decisions to be made, and work to be done. I was able to accompany my brother to do the probate paperwork, and support him in the tedious tasks of form filling and bill paying. It was an incite into what my eldest brother, who lived nearest my mother, had quietly done for her care over the years.
Traveling over to London, I soon found that the job of clearing the house ready for sale was too much for one person. Another brother arrived from the US and made use of his British drivers license to start making trips to the local dump. I made contact with local auction houses to see if we could put a value on the antiques. In the end we decided to make a list of pictures of what we had, and share it with family and friends. Family members asked me to save for them anything that reminded them of mom or grandma. We contacted her local church and several members came round to pick up items. I suddenly found myself interacting with old friends and getting to know neighbors who new my mother. Two of them invited me round for a meal.
We needed help moving some furniture and were fortunate to find a neighbor with a van. We bonded over taking apart wardrobes and shifting sofas. He gave us advice on how to get rid of other items.
By now my contacts list is growing to include people in this neighborhood of London. My mother was very fortunate to spend her last years here, surrounded by such caring people. One neighbor drives a mail van and delivered some boxes to the house. Another came and took cuttings of my mother's roses. The lady in the fish & chips shop just round the corner remembers her also. And one sweet neighbor brought around a family who is interested in buying the house!
A local charity will pick up items like electronics and they very kindly came by with a truck. The driver was very interested in my grandfather's carved antique chest and we had to explain how we were not ready to part with that yet. We ended up storing that in yet another brother's garage along side the old diaries and translation work to which my parents had dedicated their life.
My brothers and I took a break from clearing out furniture and papers, to visit my parents' grave. They are buried in a wonderfully secluded little old church in Kent. After putting flowers on their graves, we visited others belonging to family members that we only remembered from our childhood. Then a visit to nearby Canterbury to visit our cousin took us right past the big old house we holidayed in together. More old photos started to fill in the blanks of those I never met, like my grandfathers, and others that have passed away more recently. We discussed together the making of headstones and decided to add some Kaiwa language to the back of the stone.
This short visit to take care of my mother's affairs has been a breath of fresh air. Not only have I, with help, managed to clear, sort, donate and share the majority of my mother's belongings, (and there were many!) but I connected with kind and caring people who loved my mother and were willing to help. After being bogged down with grief, all the tasks of closing up a loved one's life, and being so far away and isolated from family, I am now feel I can breathe again, and sort out what is important and necessary when looking to the future.
