Goodbyes

 

It is that time again. The end of a year, packing up, moving on and.... saying goodbye. But what irks me the most is the staged farewell ceremonies where those who are leaving are put up for public assessment. I thought I had dodged that this year by proactively asking to be left out of the speeches and formal staff goodbyes.  I am not under any delusion that I am loved here, or will be missed.  In Abuja only 18 short months, most of it during COVID restrictions, and traveling home when possible... I certainly haven't settled here or had time to contribute much to my school community.  I barely know the names of the staff.  So I was hoping to slip off quietly.

But our last ES staff meeting was in my library, and it was announced that those staff who were leaving would be honored.  There was a slide show and gifts given out but I wasn't included. To my utmost embarrassment,  I thought I heard my name being called and walked on up to the front, only to be met with an awkward silence from our Principal. I cringe when I recall my asking, "Do I get anything?" to which she replied, "no." All I could do was sit back down and take the shame.  I hadn't been forgotten, I had been deliberately left out.  The message was clear and loud, "YOU ARE NOT PART OF US, WE ONLY HONOR OUR OWN."

This school is used to expat staff coming and going again. We come for the experience, for the money, then move on. The local staff don't try too hard to be friendly... until you have been in Nigeria for 4 or 5 years. They expect you to move on, and be replaced. So I really shouldn't be surprised. And it is my fault for moving on so often. If I stayed in one school, I would never go through these kind of assessments. 

One the other side, I think I was bothered so much because I have been attended staff goodbye parties before, and the moving farewells stayed with me and made me who I am today.

I am talking of farewells that feel like the beginning of a friendship. When the act of saying goodbye cements the idea of how valuable the people or place has been to you, and suggests that the memories will last forever and we will stay in touch. I still stay in touch with people I worked with 20 or 30 years ago! They were the best part of my experience in that job, and the reason I remember it fondly. There have been quite a few tearful speeches made, by me and by those I am leaving.  I still cherish the departing gifts given me by students and teachers. They were an important part of my life, and me of theirs. 

So what went wrong this time?

I made less of an effort, missing my family and wishing I was home. The food disagreed with me and I was sick with COVID for two long months without any one to care.  The job of a librarian is rarely appreciated these days. More than one person on staff wanted my job and were glad to see me go. Small minded administrators don't understand how to share space, staff and collaborate. Half the expat staff leave each year because they want a better quality of life. The other half are just trying to feed their families.  I rarely got outside the school compound and experienced nothing of Nigeria. 

But then there were the students...

...appreciative of anything I introduced to the library, from puzzles,  to chess sets, to robots. 

...whose names I knew and who new my name, greeted me in the hall and loved to chat.

.... who loved my stories and came back again and again for more book recommendations.

... who thanked me for my help and apologized for bad behavior in the library.

....who helped me plant and tend a beautiful garden with flowers and butterflies and compost.

.... who loved the library so much they arranged playdates there after school, and begged their parents to let them stay longer. 

As educators, this is why we teach... our students appreciate us. It doesn't matter if no one else does!